Rules to Live by

It's been a while since I've been on a first date.

Today, however, I stumbled across a very important piece of important Dating Knowledge scribbled on the back of a Red Robin napkin.  This Knowledge is something every first-dater should a) already know or b) keep in the forefront at ALL times.

This little gem of wisdom is as follows:




Worst First Date Foods of All Time

1) Pizza: to eat with fork, or to not eat with fork? That is the question.  Eating with a fork is ultimately cleaner, but what if the crust is too tough to cut?  Do you give in mid-slice and pick up with your hands?  Or do you dive right in with your fingers, not caring that the combed over, mustached, cashmere sweatered man across the table from you is daintily and diligently cutting piece, by piece, by piece.  Or maybe it's better to see what he does first.  Which, if you're a lady dating a gentleman, he'll wait for you to start eating before he does, which puts you in kind of a pickle.  Easy solution: don't order it in the first place.


2) Pasta: three words.... angel-hair-spaghetti-swimming-in-splattering-tomato-sauce-hanging-5-inches-out-of-you-mouth-because-you-clearly-and-painfully-misjudged-the-length-of-said-spaghetti-noodles-and-it's-too-late-to-turn-back-now.


3) Salad: surprising?? Yes.  But you know that the one time you're set to impress this filthy rich lawyer slash athlete by ordering a health conscious salad is the one day that the guy in the back prepping that nights dinner got lazy and didn't cut the Romaine lettuce as small as he was supposed to.  No one wants to look like a rabbit with a 6" x 6" piece of salad hanging out of your lips.


4) S'mores:  think of the last guy you saw eating one.  enough said.



These are all foods that should be enjoyed in the comfort of your own home.  Or, if you're me, 6 + mo's into the relationship.  WINK!!

I would be cranky, too!

Kindergarden.

The age of play, new things, and acceptable public nose picking.

Music class should be fun, right?  I should look forward to teaching Kindergarden music every day.

I don't know if it's because it's the last classes of my day, perhaps the kids are worn out by then.  Or maybe being ornery is just more interesting than being able to freely bang on bongos and xylophones.  Either way, teaching Kindergarden is like a coin toss.  Every time I walk through the door I'm thinking, "what's it going to be today??"

Last week, every class went smoothly.  Even the kindergarden class that is ALWAYS awful was pretty good.  Then I walked into my last Wednesday class.

Long story short, by the time their teacher came back, I had 3 kids crying, one kid tangled up in my computer wires, two jumping up and down on tables making monkey noises (literally) and one scaling the bookcase.  The other ones were just busy wreaking unimaginable havoc.  I had had enough.  I ran out the door yelling "good luck!!" over my shoulder.

Poor Mrs. Allen.

Needless to say, the next week I was greeted at the door by a stack of "I'm Sorry" letters from each one of the kids.  They were amazing.  Every single one was unique, decorated with drawings of flowers and hearts and self portraits of them holding my hand.  They all had their interpretation of how to spell "I'm Sorry Miss Kym" and some of them even had more, like "I'm sorry for whispering in someone's ear" or "I'm sorry for not singing."

The winner??

This little gem:

Well, if my leg was hurting and I had a cavity, I would be pretty miserable too.

All is forgiven, Lilly.

As for the other ones... what was your excuse????

you can call me "Janitors Closet"

Fact:


Native Americans would name their newborns after the first thing they saw upon exiting the teepee post birth.  This would explain names like Sitting Bull, Running Water, and Raven Feather.






I wonder: 


What would our names be if we followed the same tradition??


Would the same rules apply?  Would it be the first thing we saw outside the hospital doors? Or would it be the first thing we saw upon leaving the hospital room??




I think I would prefer the first one.  I would much rather be named "Hibiscus Flower" or "Red Volvo" than "IV Tube" or  "Bleeding Arm."


Or "Gurney."




*shudder*